La Croix is like drinking needles

Ana Turner, Editor in Chief

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Ever taste motor oil? Well if you’ve picked up a can of La Croix, you’ve tasted something pretty similar. La Croix is a bubbly “naturally flavored” drink that is pretty much just sparkling water. There are two types of people in this world though: people who love La Croix and people who would rather die than drink it. I fall into the latter.

To me, La Croix is the most disgusting drink known to man. It tastes like pure trash and provides no health benefit whatsoever. You’re better off saving yourself the agony and drinking still water. In addition, studies have shown that  just like soda, La Croix rots your teeth. Everyone claims that La Croix is fabulous and will make you into a pegasus if you drink it, but in reality, it’s no better for you than a can of Coke.

In addition, there’s tons of research disproving the myth that La Croix is healthy for you. It’s carbonated and contains BPA, both things that will diminish your health if consumed regularly.

In addition, there’s no sweetner so it tastes like bitter, unfiltered water. There is no refreshing aspect of La Croix, it just tastes terrible.

Also, people who drink La Croix are indecisive. You need to make up your mind. If you’re going to drink water, drink plain water. Why does it need to be flavored? In addition, if you’re going to drink soda, just drink soda. La Croix isn’t the best of both worlds, it’s a mediocre mix of two worlds that just don’t fit together.  

La Croix drinkers are posers. People who drink La Croix are trying to prove something. They wear their chacos and pretend they care about the earth. Look at someone who drinks La Croix, they always own a pair of Birkenstocks even though they’re suffering in pain as they down their drink filled with needles.

Their flavors are also not differentiable. They all taste the same. The berry flavor and the lime seem to mesh together and taste exactly the same.

It’s also painful to drink. Drinking La Croix is like drinking needles. Have you ever drank needles? No, well you have if you’ve drinken La Croix. It’s simply angry water.