Column: Ezra Miller: The fastest assaulter alive

Javen Oswald, Staff Writer

Actor Ezra Miller, known for portraying Barry Allen/The Flash in DC superhero movies, has impressed everyone by getting themself arrested not just once, but twice.

Miller, who uses they/them pronouns, was arrested for the first time on Mar 28 at a Hawaiian karaoke bar. They were taken into custody for yelling obscenities at an innocent girl for singing the song “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and lunging at a man trying to play darts? During the night they also broke into a couple’s bedroom to ransack everything in sight. When they were through purloining the bedroom, Miller threatened the couple’s life.

Miller was arrested a second time on Apr 19 for allegedly assaulting a woman. They hurled a chair at her, leaving a half inch laceration.

What if I were to tell you this is not Ezra Miller, but rather the bald headed, cutthroat, Chief Creative Officer of Marvel, Kevin Feige? Feige is the Daddy Warbucks of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). 

The DC Extended Universe (DCEU) has been making a subtle comeback over the past few years. With the release of “Zack Snyder’s Justice League,” “The Suicide Squad” and “Peacemaker” the cinematic universe has seen a drastic increase in quality and viewership.  

On the other hand, Marvel’s phase four has been very hit or miss. The shows released on disney plus are controversial at best.

“The Flash” is only going to help better the current state of the DCEU by erasing the bad story arcs created during the mid to late 2010’s.

I think Feige is quivering in his boots because he realizes Warner Bros is on the rise. He decided to put a prosthetic on and apply some CGI so he looks like another person. That person would be Ezra Miller.

This is not even the first time that Feige has taken his actions to the extreme. Haven’t heard from Scarlett Johansson in a while? Feige took out the trash. He sends out hits on anyone who crosses him or the mouse. This time that person happened to be Miller.

After their actions, Miller’s future in the DCEU and the success of “The Flash” have been brought into question.

The last time we saw the real Ezra Miller was in Joss Whedon’s “Justice League.” Since then, they have been locked in the darkest pits of Feige’s basement.

Feige impersonated Miller in a Hawaiian karaoke bar to tarnish their reputation before “The Flash” film came out. This would explain the drastic change in character as reported by local police.

The future of “The Flash” is now up in the air because the main star of the movie has been under the scrutiny of the public eye. Warner Bros now has to make the decision of whether to continue their plans that they had with Miller or abandon the upcoming plans.

Feige is an authoritative, evil, bounty hunter who serves only the MCU and the Disney mouse. I fear he will not stop with Miller but continue his crusade to prolong the MCU.