Column: A guide to walking

Luka Sereci, Columnist

Around 18 months after birth, a newborn child will obtain a new skill: walking. However, after just one semester with my fellow high school companions, I believe the timeframe in which one learns the skill of walking may be subject to reconsideration.

There are three main reasons why I believe my fellow students are terrible at walking. These reasons are: the inability to stay on your respective side of the hallway, inability to walk at an efficient pace and lastly, the extra category, which involves any other type of disturbance.

A hallway has two sides, left and right. Stay on the right. See, that’s not so hard, right? Then do it. The amount of times I’ve crashed into a five-foot-four freshman because they’re on the wrong side of the hallway is beyond me.

Now, I must admit, there actually are some complex concepts of staying on your respective side of the hallway.

For example, say the classroom you are trying to reach is on the opposite side of the hallway. Then what?

First, don’t panic. You’re going to be okay. Always try and prepare a route about 8-10 steps before your desired location, taking in factors such as gaps within the flow of students as well as the speed of travel on both sides of the hall. If  the student density is too high and an opening can not be identified, ignore all of my tips and resort to brute force.

But if you do find a sliver of space to squeeze through, it’s time to execute. When you see your chance, turn about 45 degrees towards the door and charge full speed at your desired location, all while trying to avoid any contact.

If you do accidentally bump into someone, have some potential phrases ready. My personal favorites are “my bad” and “oops, sorry,” but you’ll find out what works for you.

Second comes pacing. Similar to driving a car, pacing is all about being cognizant of your surroundings.

If you notice that students are constantly passing you up, take a hint and get a move on. One of the most infuriating things is being stuck behind a slow walking student. Students should consider themselves lucky that we don’t honk horns when walking.

With the idea of slow walking arises a new question: can one walk too fast? Yes, they can.

Hallways are packed with students so just as slow walking disturbs the flow, so does fast walking. If you’re out here trying to pass everyone up and full on sprint to your class, first off, calm down, you’re gonna get to class. And to be honest, I think fast walking just makes you look odd. That might just be me, but I will give you looks if I see you speed walking.

Lastly, the extra category. This category enmcompasses any other type of disturbances, in relation to walking, that can take place in the halls. Things like stopping to talk to a friend, being insanely pushy, or my personal favorite, walking with that one weird bounce in your step. You know what I’m talking about.

All I have to say about this category is stop doing anything in it.

The hallways are a chaotic place. I get it, I’ve been there. But please just try and get with the program.