Column: Which celebrities would survive ‘The Last of Us’

Javen Oswald, Opinions Editor

HBO’s “The Last of Us” is currently the most popular show in America, according to Rotten Tomatoes. The show is about a jaded old man and innocent young girl traveling across an apocalyptic United States, 20 years after an initial zombie outbreak.

Being a fan of the series, I began to wonder: “Which celebrities would survive the zombie apocalypse?”

To answer this question, we must set some initial ground rules and definitions. Surviving can mean different things. First, surviving means they must live through the initial outbreak and journey across a zombie-ridden U.S. 

Next, what types of people are we looking for? We need celebrities who are smart, cautious and skeptical. Additionally, to survive the start of the outbreak, which was caused by flour, we must have some reason to believe they would avoid flour for a whole day. Since nobody knows celebrities’ true personalities, I reserve the right to use movies/TV shows they have been in.

My first pick to survive has to be Woody Harrelson. Is this really a shocker to anyone? If you have seen him in either of the Zombieland movies you know exactly why I chose him. Harrelson embodies everything we are looking for in a survivor — intelligent, mistrustful and physically capable of traveling. The only trouble would be if he ate flour which is left to chance.

The next person I have in mind is Jamie Lee Curtis. Her Oscar-nominated performance in “Everything Everywhere All at Once” only solidified my choice. It seems she gets into physical altercations in every movie she’s in. But I think her most important trait is her endurance. The way she runs in “Halloween (1978),” “Halloween 2,” “Halloween: H20,” “Halloween: Resurrection,” “Halloween (2018),” “Halloween Kills” and “Halloween Ends” is with the panic, speed and caution needed to outrun the horde of zombies.

My next choices are going to be a little out of the ordinary, so I ask you to imagine the possibility of them in the apocalyptic universe with me.

Jimin from BTS. There is no way you can tell me if BTS stans get infected they will try to kill Jimin. I actually think their zombified corpses would protect him. Jimin might possibly be the most powerful celebrity on this list as he could use the deranged Twitter-warriors to travel across the U.S. 

My last pick, and this is one I really struggled with, is Jared Leto. While on the set of “Suicide Squad,” Leto sent co-star Margot Robbie a rat and a love letter to get into his character of the Joker. I think instead of Leto being afraid of the zombies, the zombies will fear him. He’s absolutely insane. He could make it through the U.S. just by method acting. 

Most of these choices rely on the celebrities not eating flour. Since half of Hollywood is always trying some new diet like Keto or something, I’m sure there is a good chance these celebrities already are avoiding flour. Other celebrities that just missed the cut for this list include Clint Eastwood, Liver King, Ke Huy Quan, Vin Diesel and Viola Davis.