When I was younger, I would run around with the girls while the boys played soccer every single day. Yeah, I used to ‘date’ girls in elementary school; I even kissed them. I was young and that was what I was told to do-it was the norm. I was a boy and boys like girls. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Middle school was when life started changing for me physically. Yup, puberty: a middle schooler’s worst nightmare. Even being gay, I still had those same embarrassing voice cracks and found myself in my own awkward-stage body, just like the rest of you.

As my body changed, so did my thoughts about boys, because it was in the seventh grade when I realized that I didn’t like girls. I realized that I couldn’t relate to all the boob-loving guys talking about the next hottest girl in school.

I can remember chiming in on those regular conversations, however, making sure I changed someone else’s answer by a few words, to ensure that no one would catch on.

When I labeled myself as gay I promised myself I would NEVER come out, ever. I was no way comfortable with who I was because I was brought up in a Christian home. I thought it was the very worst thing for me, a guy, to fall in love with another guy. Those were dark years when I was hard on myself, thinking that who I was was wrong. I was brought up believing it was a choice and that I could be changed. I can remember going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, begging God to “fix” me.

I soon found myself a freshman, praying the same thing two long years later and surrounding myself with only friends from church. I thought it was the way to get me out of my “deceived” lifestyle.

Towards the middle of my freshman year, I gave up on the whole “fixing” thing and went back to my old friends from school. It was then that I decided that I would eventually come out, though not any time soon. I was only friends with guys at the time, and of course they wouldn’t understand.

I planned for sometime in college, because I knew that people were more accepting as we got older, and because college is where people usually meet who they spend the rest of their lives with. I knew I wasn’t going to be spending mine with a woman. I was more comfortable with being gay at this time, but not enough to believe in myself and to know it was okay to feel this way.

I hung out with the “bros” until the end of sophomore year, and by that summer I was only hanging out with girls. I felt like the transition was going under the radar, but it turns out everyone knew I was gay the whole time. I really did think I was fooling everyone!

By the end of that summer I had my group of best friends, and for some reason that made me more upset. I found myself getting in the worst moods, just because I felt like I could not come out.

It was the worst feeling, knowing you had people that understood and accepted you, yet you couldn’t say anything because you were too scared of things changing.

I can remember being at parties, becoming upset and just leaving. One time, I locked myself in a friend’s car for an entire night; another time I walked five miles in a foot of snow.

I’m lucky to have friends who have always been there for me because being in the closet is absolutely the darkest place you can be. This was all junior year, and I was sick of it. I now was thinking of coming out that summer.

Summer was perfect because I felt that the people who learned of it would have the whole summer before my senior year to digest it. I knew I was ready because I now didn’t care of what people thought of me. Obviously, I only hung out with girls, but people get harassed for that all the time, gay or straight.

I was starting to feel confident in my own skin. I felt I could handle what anyone at school could throw my way, but I wasn’t so sure about what my family could put me through. So I came out last June. Best decision of my life.

I told my closest group of friends first at a “girls and Anthony” night, and then a couple of days later I told my parents. It’s weird, because sitting with my friends I was more nervous, though it did take me a lot longer to spit out the famous words “I’m gay” to my parents.

I am the happiest I have ever been, loving everyone and, more so, myself. I love being able to voice my opinion about cute celebrities (James Franco!!), horrible boyfriends and hating sports. I find it amusing to joke about how un-athletic I can be sometimes, or sometimes so gay, with both guys and girls, without being judged or feeling embarrassed.

It was a freeing feeling, getting that weight off my chest of pretending to be someone who I really hated. I could never have done it without my friends, and now even their families, who supported me from day one.

I’ve come across so many people who ask me, “How do you know you’re gay?” I can begin by saying I am definitely not attracted to girls. Never have been. It’s just the way it’s been for me.

I can also remember EVERY time the word “gay” or “faggot” has been applied to me or been put in a negative connotation. I have millions of memories all throughout my life of those moments.

I’m so lucky to have been accepted so easily here at Naperville Central. It’s so awesome that I will be able to look back at high school and remember that I didn’t lose any friends coming out. My girlfriends are there for me whenever my family isn’t. Lots of people would figure that guys have a hard time being around me, but the ones I hang around with really don’t treat me any differently, and that means a lot to me.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous for college, because I feel like it will be extremely hard to meet as many people as I know now who will accept me without judging me solely based on my sexuality.

And one last note: it is not a choice to be gay, but it is definitely the hardest choice a gay person can make to not be ashamed of that and embrace it.