Naperville Central High School's award-winning newspaper.

Central Times

Naperville Central High School's award-winning newspaper.

Central Times

Naperville Central High School's award-winning newspaper.

Central Times

Out and about: Homosexual students find different levels of acceptance

That’s so gay. You’re a faggot. Stop acting like such a homo.

In high schools across the nation, students still use derogatory terms against gays and lesbians, with no regard to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. The casual use of these anti-gay slurs contributes to a discouraging atmosphere for students already struggling with the social stigma of being homosexual. In a treacherous and often homophobic high school environment, students must consider many factors before deciding to publically identify themselves as gay.

Gareth Miller*, a Central alumnus who graduated in 2008, came out during his senior year because he was in a serious relationship.

“I never said anything before because I didn’t feel the need to,” said Miller, who will soon celebrate a two-year anniversary with his boyfriend. “Dating my serious boyfriend really influenced my decision to come out to everyone.”

Miller has known since third grade that he was different than the other boys in his class. When he learned what homosexuality was, Miller knew that the description fit how he felt.

“I didn’t have a choice in the matter,” he said. “You can’t choose whether you’re gay or not. You’re born like this.”

Nine years later, when Miller told everyone he was gay, few people were surprised.

“All of my close friends and family had already [known], so coming out to them was a breeze, thankfully,” Miller said. “My family was so happy that I finally came forward [during senior year] and said I was gay.

Despite the ease with which Miller told his friends and family, he still faced harassment and bullying during junior high and high school.

“I dealt with all of the insecure and immature boys all through junior high,” he said. “I got made fun of so bad. [Then I was] made fun of in high school because of the way I talked or the way I dressed or the fact that I had gorgeous girls as friends.

“Guys didn’t like me. Certain guys liked me, but the muscle jockheads liked to pick on me because I was an easy target.”

After Miller came out, the harassment stopped. However, for many others, coming out has been anything but smooth.

During her junior year, senior Sarah Malik’s locker was vandalized six times. Students smeared water and food on it. A student also threw an apple at her and her then-girlfriend while they were sitting together during lunch.

“High schoolers are just not nice people,” Malik said. “I know that people in college are a lot more open, and I think it’s because [in college] nobody generally looks at you differently.”

Malik has also faced opposition from her parents, who had a hard time when she told them she was a lesbian.

“I came out [to my parents] during my sophomore and junior year,” Malik said. “Immediately, [my parents] were not happy about it, and they basically grounded me from everything and everyone.

“But after a year or two they’ve gotten a lot better about [my sexuality]. They’ll let me go out, but they’re pretty detached. They won’t ask me where I’m going because I don’t think they want to know.”

Social Worker Amy Barth said that many closeted homosexual students are most concerned about telling their parents.

“I don’t think we can exclude the family piece,” Barth said. “…You still want your parents to want you and love you. And there’s an irrational, but [sometimes] rational; fear that they’re not going to anymore.”

Malik agrees.

“I know that a lot of people don’t come out because of their families,” she said. “Once they get away to college, it would be a lot easier to deal with that or keep it a secret from their parents [but] not anybody else.”

Senior Sonya Washington* didn’t come out to anybody until a few months ago, when she started dating her current girlfriend.

“I still don’t tell people, and I’m still not very open about it,” Washington said. “It’s like a don’t ask, don’t tell type of thing. [But] my close friends who know me all know. I would say I’ve got one foot out.”

The only reason why Washington is not completely out is because of her parents, she said.

“I’m afraid of telling them because they’ll flip out and kick me out of the house,” Washington said. “And then I won’t be able to go to college.”

Malik found it very difficult in the beginning, not having her parents’ support.

“[My relationship with my parents] might get better, but I wouldn’t say their view on homosexuality will improve at all,” she said. “It’s been a couple years [since I came out] and I’ve just gotten used to [how it is].”

While Malik could not talk with her parents about being a lesbian, she found support through the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) at Central and on queerattitude.com, an online forum for LGBT youth.

Additionally, the annual Day of Silence allows students to bring attention to anti-LGBT harassment and to show their support for LGBT students. This year, 82 Central students participated in the Day of Silence April 16, said junior Lily Hislop, who is president of the GSA. Approximately 250 students wore cards showing their support of the event, and participation in general increased from last year.

Senior Alex Coon praised the event, but was concerned about the administration’s involvement by telling students that they were required to talk in class if asked, regardless of their participation in the Day of Silence.

“I understand that [there are] rules. I understand [there are] policies and a definite code between a student and a teacher,” said Coon, who is currently working with several other seniors on an anti-bullying video that all students will watch on May’s late arrival day. “[But] if a student is standing up for something they believe in, and they’re not disrupting the classroom – they’re actually adding to the environment that a teacher would like – then what’s the problem?”

Coon originally planned on participating in the Day of Silence, but decided not to because she didn’t want her grades to suffer any consequences from her not talking in class.

“I was discouraged, definitely,” Coon said. “And I don’t know if I’m necessarily proud to say that. But at the same time I didn’t want points taken off my grade because I wasn’t participating [in class].”

Nevertheless, Coon was proud of the way many gay and lesbian students handled the Day of Silence by bringing attention to their cause while still following the school’s rules. Regardless of participation in the Day of Silence, having a network of supportive friends is crucial for LGBT students to feel comfortable in a high school environment, Coon said.

Barth praises the GSA and other community programs for allowing homosexual youth to get together with others like them. In her nine years at Central, she has met with only two homosexual students who had recurring problems with straight peers harassing them.

Hislop thinks that Central has progressively become more tolerant of LGBT individuals, but that it is “still a far way off from being a safe environment for LGBT youth.”

“I still can’t walk down the hall without hearing ‘fag’ or ‘gay’ used in a derogatory manner,” Hislop said. “And homophobic vandalism commonly plagues my friends’ lockers.”

Miller, Malik, Washington and Barth all agree that the college environment is more welcoming to LGBT students. When Malik arrives at the University of Evansville in Indiana this fall, she knows she can find support from a civil rights group called People Respecting Individual Diversity Everywhere (PRIDE). PRIDE provides weekly meetings for LGBT and straight-ally students and takes part in various events that address LGBT issues during the school year.

“College is way more encouraging because no one cares,” Miller said. “People have other things to worry about; making fun of someone for their orientation is not high on anyone’s list.”

Barth thinks students can be more open because they can be less preoccupied about parental disapproval.

“You’re not right underneath your parents; you’re not living in their house,” she said. “You have more freedom now. You can be more free to be who you are.”

Despite the harassment he used to face, Miller has grown to be very comfortable with his sexuality, saying that he wouldn’t be the same person he is now if he was not gay.

“I love being gay,” he said. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality

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