Central Times

I’m running for president

Braden Hajer, Copy Editor & Columnist

December 17, 2019

Editors note: Braden's column is broken into three parts due to its length. Sections are marked so that readers may find part II if they have already read part I in print.    Part I: Transportation, Infrastructure and Mental Health I am proud to announce that I, Braden Hajer, am running to be the 50th Pr...

Andrew Yang is the Future of America

Braden Hajer, Copy Editor & Columnist

November 21, 2019

An Asian entrepreneur is running for president and wants to give you $1,000 a month for the rest of your life. Despite running as a complete outsider and initial nobody, 44-year-old Andrew Yang has risen among the ranks of the saturated democratic field, bypassing multiple sitting senators. If you haven’t heard of him before,...

Guys you’ve got to cool it with the ice

Braden Hajer, Copy Editor & Columnist

November 12, 2019

Humanity has this bizarre obsession with frozen drink cubes. No liquid is satisfactory until it has been thoroughly saturated with The Cubes, regardless of its original temperature.  I hate these illusioned heralds of frosty pleasure. You, the American people, are being deceived; Big Ice has brainwashed all of us....

No, Chicago Tribune, its not the academic pressure

Braden Hajer, Copy Editor, Columnist

October 1, 2019

I saw a Chicago Tribune article the other day about how teenage depression is on the rise, “and we don’t know why.” The article goes on to identify two culprits as the harbingers of mass anxiety: academic pressure and a lack of social interaction brought on by social media. This diagnosis infuriates me on a fundamenta...